Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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