I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think people are normalizing furries
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
