I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
