He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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