and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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