Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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