I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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