marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
