She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
