I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
