Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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