Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
