it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
