he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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