thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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