Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
