I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
