I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
