Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
