So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
