note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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