I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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