Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
