It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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