Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
