I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
