I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
