I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
