I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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