Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
