You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
