grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
