Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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