TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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