is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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