Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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