my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
