I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
