Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
