you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
this hospital has no fireball
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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