I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
