There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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