i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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