so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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