bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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