I'm gonna have a badass scar
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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