It's like God shit irony all over that family
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
