I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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