i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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