I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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