The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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