Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
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I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.