So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?