Small penises have feelings too.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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