I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just threw up on my dentist
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
