New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I did not marry a roomba.
the raccoons are back...
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