i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
