At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
