I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
