i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
