I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
