i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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