the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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